Giggles N Shit

Join me as I narrate my first attempt at parenting. As a stay at home daddy, it is not your most conventional family life. Expect lots of love, laughter and poo mixed into these stories!

The Fallout

May 3rd, 2016

We all survived the surgery. Isla had about a week of recovery on the surgical unit of the IWK Hospital. The rooms on this unit were much bigger. I'd say they were the Hilton to the Holiday Inn of the Paediatric unit. It was definitely hard to see our baby girl all doped up with an IV, nasogastric tube (NG) coming out of her nose and a pulse monitor connected to her toe. That damn monitor was a pain in the ass, too. If it moved one nanometer, from one of her toe hairs to the other, alarms would sound and wake up the neighbourhood. Katie and I were good "parents of a patient," too. We were on the ball with keeping track of her poops/pees, feedings and medicine intake before surgery. However, right after surgery we unfortunately had a little break from this due to the IV and nasogastric tube. While these two things were in we were no longer needed for feeding Isla or providing medicine as this was all done via the IV. In addition, the nasogastric tube was in place to suck out all of the crap from her stomach. Our lively little "ham" of a daughter was now quite lethargic, which was the toughest thing for me to see. We were all waiting on the glorious FART. The fart was the sign that she could have the NG tube taken out and we could begin feeding her again. I never thought I would be in such anticipation of flatulence in my life. Luckily, Isla was in a hurry as well, since no more than two days post-surgery (December 23rd, 2015) that puff of methane from her cute little buttocks emerged. Confetti fell from the ceilings, a choir sang in the background and horns blew throughout the floor. “Isla has passed gas!” The town crier proclaimed… Our charting began immediately with the first report being...

First Fart Post Surgery

Farts are usually very relieving for the farter, but I never thought I could be relieved as well by someone else's fart...

There weren't many more eventful moments after "the bum burp." She went back to breast feeding and formula. A couple days later the pain medications were weaned off as Isla’s mother and I remained vigilant. It's hard enough to measure pain in a speaking adult let alone a two month old, but we got good at determining what certain cries and demeanour meant now. In case you haven't been paying attention, we ended up spending Christmas at the hospital. To end off the "post surgery" story I will explain two things (out of many) that the IWK provided, which blew Katie and I away. There is a Ronald McDonald house built into the hospital on the third floor. They periodically put on events such as: dinners, decorating, gift wrapping, etc. On Christmas Day they put on an extra special surprise, in collaboration with McKelvies, where they served the traditional Christmas dinner. It was all very delicious with tender turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, etc. The second thing was the "gift room." If I was a kid (don't even start, Katie!) and happened to stumble across this room, I would be sharting in my batman shorts while crying with excitement. The room was FULL of presents from floor to ceiling, ranging from puzzles to full princess Elsa costumes. Being parents of a patient, we were allowed to pick out two large items, a onesie, some books, and wrap them up on the spot for Isla's surprise first Christmas (see main picture on last blog post to see the aftermath of her Christmas). Until this day I am still in awe of how far the community and IWK Foundation go in support of the hospital. Take it from me people; your donations go to the right place and are very much appreciated!

Heading Home

Although our stay was a gazzilion times longer than we expected, we were tickled fancy to be leaving on the 28th of December. Just under a month in the hospital, after little miss Isla only being alive for just over a month, and we were finally heading home... Phew!! Until this day (almost 6 months since Isla was born), we still don't quite know what normal is for our little bambino; we probably will never know. Before leaving the hospital, one of the things Dr. R advised us of was Isla's susceptibility to infection. She now had a dirty organ (intestine) attached directly to a clean organ (liver) so infection risk was higher for her than the average baby. Any time Isla has any symptoms of infection or a high temperature, we need to head into the hospital and get her setup for tests to rule out the common cold, flu, urinary tract infection, etc. If it is none of the usual ailments causing the higher temperature then it could be an infection of her surgery site called Cholangitis. Knowing our luck so far, what do you think happened after about a month back at home? Isla generated a temperature of over 38 degrees Celsius, which is concerning (keep this in mind "new parents"). Just like robots, Katie and I packed a bag, gathered ourselves and rushed to the hospital (about a minute away). I called the IWK prior to heading to our local hospital and the doctor-on-call immediately called the Valley Regional to inform them of our arrival. We were warned at the IWK that we would have to advocate for Isla’s condition when we headed into the ER with Isla having a fever. Due to her condition being so rare there would be a high chance of it being dismissed as the common cold as well as her father going to jail for slapping the dismissing doctor in the face. Thankfully this was not the case at the Valley Regional and her fever was taken very seriously. They ruled out all of the common issues which cause a fever and we headed to the IWK that night (1.5 hours away).

Just one more learning experience in the life of Isla. We ended up staying at the IWK for a week while Isla was on IV antibiotics. Cholangitis is hard to diagnose and can be very detrimental to her surgery. Needless to say, they essentially just pumped her with a bunch of antibiotics for at least a week and monitored her symptoms. Not a whole lot happened during this trip besides the "poop explosion surprise."

The Poop Explosion Surprise

We went through the regular cycle of nurses and “dial for dining” again during our week long stay. There was one bubbly blond nurse who was exceptional this time and became one of our new favourites. She just understood us, was easy to talk to, and very considerate. I guess Isla had a different opinion of her, though. I always got a kick out of said nurse, because late at night she would do her best to tippy toe into our room, undo Isla's Velcro “Swaddle Me” blanket one Velcro ringlet at a time (see Amazon store below. These blankets are amazing if your baby likes to pull a Houdini and kick themselves free of all blankets in turn waking up the whole house with their tired screeches), and quickly silence the IV machine's beeping. Henceforth she will be called: “ninja nurse.” On this particular night our ninja nurse tried her best to check on Isla without a peep, but Isla wasn't having it. She screeched to the high heavens, and since Katie and I were experts on her cry-a-nese language now, we knew this was the "I just shit my pantaloons" cry. Katie quickly flipped over me on the single bed and landed on all fours in one foul swoop. She hustled over to the very apologetic ninja nurse, said: "no worries, kemosabe," and swapped out Isla's diaper. Problem was, during this somewhat smooth move (pun intended), ninja nurse was standing just a tad bit close to the crib. The poor nurse was actually standing right smack dab in the middle of the "blast radius." In the split second it took Katie to take one diaper off, say: "hot damn," and slap the clean diaper on; ninja nurse fell back in a slow motion reverse running-man. She was hit! Our small two month old, 10 pounder, released a heat-seeking, soft serve stream of shit in a three foot trajectory all over the nurse's scrubs. We all had a little laugh, Isla had a little fart, ninja nurse wrote down Isla's address for revenge, and we settled back to sleep on our two foot by three foot bed made for elves. The problem is, you can't get mad at something which can unleash such evil just to end it off with a face like...

The Look of Pure Evil

She could have just ran a car into a telephone pole or killed your pet hamster, but as soon as you look down to scold her, you are stopped in your tracks by this face.

Made it in One Piece

We made it through the infection scare. Five IV lines later and some of the best poop colours Isla has produced and we were on our way home; for the second time in one month. We have not been back to the hospital since, knock on wood, besides Isla's monthly checkups/blood collection at the GI clinic.

What Next?

If you think the poop explosion was bad, you just wait to see what kinds of mischief our little ham has put her parents through, “post explosion.” We are close to Isla’s daddy being home all by his lonesome, Isla starts to develop more of a personality, the night of terror, and much much more. Stay tuned folks!

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